my time..

tomorrow or should i say later today coz its already 2 am..is gonna be the time for me to give everything ive got. there is no room for mistakes. the pressure is on hitting me like a bullet train. i dont know if i can survive this. i just hope i do. this is what i want and i am very certain of that. this is the first time for me to encounter these things. i have grown to know and understand all the theories. but my biggest weapon would be my personal knowledge. i dont know if i have the ability to communicate with other people or as they say "establish rapport". i really dont know about that. but there is one thing i am a hundered percent sure that is the exhuberance that i feel whenever i am able to help other people. i hope that i would have the ability to shine in this field. i just wish i would. till then.

isang tagalog..=)

ako'y nababato

kaya ako nandito

walang akong magawa

walang ng ginawang tama

anung dapat kong gawin

lahat nalang napapansin

pati ba naman patak ng ulan

aking napagtritripan

ako'y naprapraning

dalangin ko sana'y dinggin

"Sana bukas magkaroon himala

at nang ako nama'y may magawa"

ano ba tong nangyayari sakin?

ano nalang ang tingin niyo sakin?

alam kong hindi pa ako nababaliw

dahil ito ay para sa aking giliw!=)

-I_know_it_sucks!

hahahaha

peace_out!

there is no title for this one

I do not know the meaning of love. I used to know it, you know. Back when I was younger, I thought I knew everything. Even love. But after experiencing it many times I became confused. I do not know what to feel. They said that love is the feeling of having to not let go of a person. Of being happy when he is around. When it electrifies your soul whenever you're with that someone. The cadence of your heart reaches a thousand miles per hour when he touches you. When you're apart, it feels like you are incomplete, like a part of you is missing -your heart maybe. They say a lot of things about love. But I can not pin point the one true meaning that matches what i feel. It is true that I feel happy and comforted whenever we're together. But that is all. I also feel happy and contented without his presence. What does this mean? I feel like I do not know myself anymore. If this is love then why do I feel these things? I mean, I truly know within myself that this feeling is not lust. This is definitely not an infatuation. It is more than that. But it is not love. I'm not sure.

They said that if you love a person, you can't stand being without him, like you'd go overboard just to be with this person. You MUST be there for him and him to you. For me, I don't really know. I feel like its okay to be away with each other, like its okay for us to break up, like "I'll live and survive without you in my life". But do I really mean that? Again, I do not know. Maybe it is because we've been together for so long. But does it have to be like that? Like the feeling that you have felt in the beginning supposed to fade or to falter? I know that love doesn't work like that. I thought it was supposed to get stronger like a wine. The more time it consumes the stronger the flavor or in this case the feeling would be.

When I look at my future 20 years from now, I would see myself with someone but i could not see it with him. The picture I'm painting is equivocal. Maybe I'm being unfair with him, maybe I should give him a chance, maybe I should open myself to him and not be biased by the way I feel. Maybe I should not think of these thoughts because it won't do me any good. Maybe, maybe not. But this is me. I know that when I'm in this kind of a relationship I do not let my guard down. That's inevitable. I always leave something for myself. I don't let myself fall head over heels so I won't be hurt too much. I have learned from my past relationships and my friends' and my relatives' that if I let myself myself fall then I would be in the loosing edge and when he leaves I would be in so much pain. In the end, I only have myself and I am the only one who could placate me.

Is this my kind of defense mechanism? Well, I guess that is who I am and my experiences made me this way. Love is vague and I believe it is up to you to realize within yourself the meaning of this word. I do not know it yet, but I hope it will come soon. Until that time comes I would be, just me.

im bored..(a poem?)

If I was given the chance to live again
I'd better not take it
I will not risk the life of many
I will not risk the happiness of my family
I am the worst person in the world
I can not even look at myself at the mirror
I am the person they abhorred
I am an abomination
They said that God created us in his likeness
Surely! He doesn't think the way I do
He doesn't even do the evil things that I do
He is omniscient, omnipotent!
He is everywhere!
And me? NOTHING!!!
But if there is an exemption to every rule
That would be me..
I was not created in his likeness!!
I was the one who got kicked out of heaven
and I was embraced in hell!
I tried to be wise..
I envied his wisdom
I tried to be strong and still ended up dead!
Some says I'm morbid, a pessimist
But THAT is the reality of life!
Either you're going to be good or bad..
Either way you're gonna end up dead..ryt?




HAHAHA!!
This is just one of those many darks!!
I'm in my tedious rOOm....
Still breathing!!
PEACE OUT!

bibliophile..

i suppose i don't have to do this..but well its vacation..i might as well do what i like before the summer term starts..

i dont know why..but i really really really like the twilight books..i am so happy when im reading it..maybe its because in reading i could escape reality and dive into another world..=) well i love this world..this is one of my favorite novels..since harry potter..well hp is my first love..but that happened when i was still in highschool..now its all about twilight..=p i also read the septimus heap series/novels..and the wolf brother novels..ive got plenty of books..i love reading!!and oh i also collect them..sometimes i really look like a nerd but im NOT..i just love to read..hahaha my friends call me the "BOOKWORM"..and in return i thought about names that i could call them..like EARTHWORM, CATERPILLAR and a MAGGOT..hahahah well..its just for fun though..uhmmmm...i should get back to my topic..books..books..books..my favorite characters..in twilight is Jacob Black but i dont like him for Bella because Bella is for Edward...hahaha in harry potter my favorite character is Voldemort because he's the villain..and i dont like Harry Potter because he keeps on meddling on things that aren't supposed to be meddled in!hahaha it is just like what Hagrid told them (the trio) in book 1..and in Septimus Heap i like the character of Jenna Heap because she's a strong girl like me!hahaha finally...in the wolf brother series..i like the character of Renn of the Raven Clan..because she's a good hunter and she's cool..and i also like Wolf!!uff!uff!uff!hahaha

all in all...the best book for me...well its really a tie between Twilight and Harry Potter..haha=p



thats it for now..i have to first find a way to open the friggin' door to my room..i accidentally locked it..i don't have the stupid key..my mom has it..because she doesnt trust me with keys..hahaha

and i almost forgot..i got the pic from mrs. jiji bean..(below pic)..thnx..=p
the center pic is my collection..my other books..the hp 3,4,5,6 was borrowed by friends..hahaha

peace out!
cheers!!